when you see me gaze off into nothing do not call my name I am too busy imagining a different life. when you see me madly scratching my paper do not ask me what I’m doing, I am tryng to kill the voices in my head. when you see my grip tighten on my hair do not think too much I just want my head to stop hurting. when you see me playing with my hands, do not tell me to stop I am making sure I am still alive. when you see me walking alone do not come to my side I am probably just trying to calm myself down. if you ever see bruises on my collar bones please do not ask me where I got them, I woke up with them. if you ever see the scars on my arms please do not assume they were made last week they’re from another life they just didn’t want to leave. if you ever see my knuckles bleed please do not ask me what is going on I’m trying to forget about it. if you ever see my hands shake while they’re sitting in my lap please do not make fun of me I do not know why they do that. if I ever come home late do not ask me where I was I was just being me. if I ever seem distant do not ask me where I am I am here I just don’t want to be. if I ever tell you I don’t care do not assume I am playing it cool I really do not care. if I ever screw something up do not yell at me I will clean up my mistakes. if I ever hurt you do not hate me sometimes I forget how to be human. if I ever cry in your arms do not be uncomfortable this just means I am comfortable with you. please do not ask me if I’m okay I am never ok please do not try to figure me out I am simple i just like secrets. please do not hug me or touch me it makes my skin feel like it’s burning. please do not try to comfort me you look stupid, just sit beside me and stay quiet. empty your mind. if I’m ever laying in bed crying or just being dumb and I ask you to get out, don’t. I’m just scared to admit I need you when I feel Iike this.
I am broken and you are my glue. I told you that I loved you and nothing is more true. You asked if you were worth it all I can say is no shit. You are worth far more than you know I care about you more than I could ever show. You may not give me everything I want but you are everything I need. You know that I love you but you haven’t got a clue. I’d rather go a month without food than just one day without you. I wish I could wrap you in my arms forever and not let you go, not once, not ever. It’s all I think about every day you are the only thing making me stay. We may never be together, but that’s ok you’ve already given me more than I can ever repay. Being around you makes me smile you make me the happiest i’ve been in quite a while. I’ve never felt this way before every day I love you more and more. There is nothing for you that I wouldn’t do if anything is worth staying for, Kayla, It’s you.
When somebody says that “a man likes to feel like a man,” all I hear is “A man likes to feel superior to you and it’s your job to make him believe it.”
Someone said this to me once, that a man needs to feel like a man, I replied “well I’m not stopping him” and had to watch this fragile creature try to explain to me that my strong personality could demean men.
Like, if I have to pretend you are a strong man and cater to that then clearly you’re not that strong dude.
